one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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