I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize