Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
