Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
