she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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