I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
