The maid of honor just puked.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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