It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
