apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
