my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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