in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
