Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize