I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
