I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
