Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
