I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
