We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
