Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
