From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
