I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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