why didn't you poke me back
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
