Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
