I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
