Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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