I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize