i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
