oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
this is an emotional support booty call
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
