Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
