I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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