I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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