I wannas sexs uuuuu
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize