I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
