I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
im on a boat
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