You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize