my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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