There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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