i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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