I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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