Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
