I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
