I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
