OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
