I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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