Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize