is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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