Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize