i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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