I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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