those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize