I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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