were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
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