We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
