Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
