I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
