he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
