You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
