Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize
