Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
