I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I can't turn off my feet"
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
