i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize