when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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