I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Randomize
