I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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