I'll bet she douches with gravy.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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