we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
