Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
