if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
