why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
