btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize