I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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