So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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