Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
