Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
