Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
