Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
