You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
barbara walters just said penis...
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
