It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
