Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize