I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
