I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
