he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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