I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
