Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
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